Here Be Monsters

September 30, 2015

Contending with Bedtime Fears - Monsters Under The Bed

I’m regularly asked about how to contend with children’s fears, especially this time of year when Halloween decorations, creepy costumes and scary stories are making their way into your child’s daily experience.

“I’m afraid of the monsters under my bed” is the most common complaint I hear from families with preschoolers and beyond. Monsters, or other fears, can cause delays at bedtime, but more often lead to night wakings and difficulty falling back asleep.

Well intending parents might use a “monster spray,” “no monsters allowed” signage or even do a magic spell to exterminate the monsters. Think twice about using that approach. When we validate monsters, we acknowledge they exist. Children deserve honesty, especially from their parents. Validate the fear, but not the existence of fictitious creatures.

Avoid teasing or using language like “big boys aren’t afraid” or “only babies get scared.” Feelings are always legitimate, especially feelings of fear. Older toddlers and preschoolers are developing vibrant and vivid imaginations. Acknowledge their fears by using language like “I can see you are scared.”

Additional strategies for contending with monsters under the bed include:

As part of the bedtime routine, look through closets and under beds together. Make the experience a fun one with a flashlight your child can use.
If there’s anything like a bed skirt, remove it. At least for now. Having a visual of the space will give them more confidence.
For a child that is showing fears of not just their bed, but their room, make sure to spend some positive time together in their room, playing. Bring a special toy or activity you can do together. Keep the experience positive.
Night lights can help, but can build shadows too. Bright night lights can limit melatonin production which can make sleep more restless and minds more anxious. Sometimes a dim light in a hallway outside their rooms, with a door ajar, is a “less scary” bet.
Tell your child you will check on them when they’re asleep. It’s a reminder that you’re always close and checking on them, even when they don’t think you are.
Eliminate screen time (including television, tablets and game devices) especially it’s late in the day. 3 year olds are highly imaginative. Even benign programming can have their imaginations running away.
Cut out any books that might be “scary”. You’re probably not doing a lot of “scary” anyway, but I have lots of families put away “Where the Wild Things Are” and similar books when contending with fears of monsters.
If they’re having bad dreams that they can articulate (this is often for kids who are more 4+ and have a better understanding of the concept of dreams), talk about the dream and how they can “re-imagine” their dream to have a positive outcome.
Discuss it matter of factly (away from bedtime) and see if you can get to the source.

One last suggestion: Feelings of nervousness and anxiety are normal feelings for children to encounter. Aim to have your reaction be calm and reassuring. Use of the word ‘scared’ often elicits a strong reaction from parents. Don’t give fears more power by reacting strongly, or encourage regular use of the word “scared” to gain benefits that delay bedtime.

xxoo

Krista

About the author:

Krista is a mother of 3 (+1 dog who believes she’s people), a wife to a wonderful husband, and the owner and founder of Sleeperific. Even though she’s been in the sleep consulting biz for 4 years, she still gets really excited when she’s hired by a sleepy family.

5 things keeping your child awake

October 18, 2012

Go the F* to Sleep didn’t become a number 1 bestseller because all of our kids are sleeping through the night and taking long restful naps. This book offers an honest and cheeky look at the frustration and desperation EVERY parent has experienced at one time or another: your baby can’t or won’t sleep and you find yourself swearing under your breath. You know they’re tired. But what’s keeping them up?

Here are some of the reasons why your child may still be awake:

Sleep Environment – A child’s bedroom can make or break their ability to drift off to sleep. Whatever place you do choose for your child to sleep, be consistent. Encourage soothing and restfulness by having a dark, quiet space. Limit the intrusion of sunlight with blackout curtains or blinds. We love these inexpensive, easy blackout shades from the Home Depot.

Overtired – Wrangling an overtired child into bed is an uphill battle. There is a point where children who are overtired can appear to be wired or hyper. Aim to get them in bed drowsy but before overtiredness sets in. Be respectful of your child’s limits.

Under-tired – If a child has rested too long during the day or has not slept at biologically appropriate times, your child simply may not be ready to rest. Help them be successful at transitioning to sleep by winding down and offering a soothing bedtime routine, like stories, snuggles and lullabies.

Jobs – We all have our jobs to do. So do our children. A baby might have a job to call for you to see if you’ll come put her soother back in her mouth. A toddler might need to check if you’re still lying next to him like you were when he fell asleep. A preschooler might believe there are monsters under his bed and need your magic spells to eradicate them. Do your best to ensure sleep is the only job your child has.

Skills – Remember that falling asleep is a learned skill. This is another situation where practice makes perfect diabetes drugs. Your child might not always be good at falling asleep independently. Offer assistance and support to help them gradually develop their abilities. Teaching a child to fall asleep independently is a skill that will last a lifetime. Your child will learn to trust themselves, develop self-confidence and believe “I am capable.”

Having awareness and avoiding these situations will help create ideal circumstances for your child to have calm naps and peaceful nights; no cussing necessary.

Infant Sleep Series – Part 1

September 3, 2012

Newborn Sleep – ages 0 – 8 weeks(ish)

I run a weekly Q+A session over on my Facebook page. I call it Terrific Talk Tuesdays, but really, it’s a virtual sleep clinic. Sleepy parents ask, I answer.

An interesting question came up this week during Terrific Talk Tuesday:

We have a new baby on the way, and I’m wondering what advice you have to set the baby up to be a successful sleeper. In other words, if you could do it all over again, what strategies would you implement right from the beginning?

I try to answer these questions quickly, given the bit of information I’m given, I’m providing the bit of information I feel will be helpful. Often, my quick answers don’t do the questions justice. But I feel this was a great question to elaborate on. In fact, this is the first installment of an Infant Sleep Series.

Are we really equipped for what we’re getting into? When we’re expecting, we read the books. We buy cute little outfits and decorate cute little nurseries. We get weekly updates from Baby Center so we know the size of our baby, relative to a fruit or vegetable. We might see Snooki’s or Jessica Simpson’s Twitter feeds and have an idea of what to expect with a newborn, but are we really prepared for what to expect, after we’re expecting?

I know I wasn’t prepared for the depth and breadth of my exhaustion when we had our son. While there are a lot of things I wish I knew then that I know now, the top of that long list is knowledge about sleep. As a new parent, you’re going to get tired. But there are things you can do in the early stages to create healthy sleep habits.

What’s ‘normal’?

Newborns typically do a few things. They eat, and they sleep . . . oh, and they cry too. Their sleep needs are as high as 20 hours per day. You can expect most of that sleep will come in the form of long and short naps. Remember newborns have TINY tummies and will need to feed often. What often drives their waking cycles is the need to eat.

That means that sleep can be erratic. You might look for patterns, but you’ll be hard pressed to find any. So take sleep when it comes. That may mean your baby sleeps more in the day than in the night in the beginning.

What should I do?

Here’s some suggestions to help you cope:

1) Whatever it takes – This is your new motto. Embrace it. Keep your baby as well rested as possible. You may need to help your baby to sleep. Don’t worry about spoiling your baby or forming any “bad habits” (like nursing/feeding to sleep). It’s too early for habits to stick and it’s really too early for patterns and biological rhythms to emerge.

2) Take care of yourself – Ensure you’re eating well, drinking lots and sleeping as well as possible. Only if you’re taking care of yourself can you take care of the new life in your hands. This means protecting your sleep too. Split “shifts” with your partner if possible, and/or enlist the help of willing and capable grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends.

3) Enjoy your baby – Be responsive to their cries, you’re not going to spoil them or get them into any bad habits at this point. Marvel at the miracle your baby is. Get to know each other. You’re in this for the long haul, so you might as well be friends.

Stay tuned for next week as we look beyond, into the 8-16 week old range.