Make bedtime battles a thing of the past

February 1, 2016

Toddler trouble? Preschooler problems? Maybe bedtimes mean full blown tantrums at your house? Or perhaps bedtimes are just a little more stressful than you’d like them to be?

Bedtimes can be better. With a few simple changes, you can make bedtime a more positive experience for your family.

Make Bedtime Battles a thing of the past

Take the battle out of bedtime

Fill that attention basket – Every child has their own “attention basket” which needs to be filled at the conclusion of the day. If positive attention isn’t available or if the basket is not full, attention seeking will continue, even if it means filling their basket with negative attention. The solution? Fill those baskets: approximately 15 minutes of dedicated parent and child time per day will do the trick. Find something special you and your child like to do together. It can be reading, playing a game, crafting, puzzling, colouring, etc…
Routine Chart – Take the power out of bedtime routines. You’re not the boss dictating the flow of a routine. The child is not the boss either. Allow a chart to be a boss. This is not a reward based chart. Check out a sample for you to download here (colourable! or make your own with your child!). Your child can follow the chart and tell you what comes next, allowing them to feel in control.
Cut the tech – Turn off the television, tablets, computers and smartphones, at least 2 hours before bedtime. We know screens limit melatonin production. That means it’s harder to fall asleep if you’ve been using technology before bed. Quite simply, screens limit sleep from a behavioural and biological perspective¹,². Make a media plan with your family. Use a tool like OurPact to manage devices. Make bedrooms a no tech zone.
Consistency – If bedtime is 7:30PM Sunday, 8PM on Tuesday and 9PM on Saturday; that’s a loose definition of bedtime. Add in a child who is aware of the clock, and you’ll be in negotiations around bed timing because, well, bedtime seems negotiable. Select an age appropriate bedtime, based on sleep needs. Children need a regular amount of sleep on weekdays and weekends, therefore, a regular bedtime. Respect your child’s need for sleep.
Choices, choices, choices – Offer choices to give a sense of power, all day long, but especially at bedtime. Ensure options are age appropriate; instead of “What would you like to wear to bed?” use “Would you like your car pyjamas or your baseball pyjamas?” Not “What would you like for a bedtime snack?” but “Would you like blueberry or strawberry yogurt?” Handing over power in situations that matter less means compliance in situations that matter more.
Mind the message – Is “go to bed” or “go to your room” a punishment? If sleep has a bad rap in your home, consider yourself sleep’s newest marketing manager. Make bedtime a positive time of day, with routines your family looks forward to. Talk about the benefits of sleep for mind and body (“Sleep helps us grow strong and be smart”, “We can do so many fun things when we’ve had a good sleep”, “When we’re tired, we all feel yucky”). Keep bedrooms a positive space.

xxoo

Krista

About the author:

Krista is a mother of 3 (+1 dog who believes she’s people), a wife to a wonderful husband, and the owner and founder of Sleeperific. Even though she’s been in the sleep consulting biz for 4 years, she still gets excited when she’s hired by a sleepy family.

References

[1] Thompson, D. A., & Christakis, D. (2005). The association between television viewing and irregular sleep schedules among children less than 3 years of age. Pediatrics, 116(10), 851-856.

[2] Barlett, N.D., Gentile, D.A., Barlett, C.P., Eisenmann, J.C., et al. (2012). Sleep as a mediator of screen time effects on children’s health outcomes. Journal of Children and Media, 6(1), 37-50.

Here Be Monsters

September 30, 2015

Contending with Bedtime Fears - Monsters Under The Bed

I’m regularly asked about how to contend with children’s fears, especially this time of year when Halloween decorations, creepy costumes and scary stories are making their way into your child’s daily experience.

“I’m afraid of the monsters under my bed” is the most common complaint I hear from families with preschoolers and beyond. Monsters, or other fears, can cause delays at bedtime, but more often lead to night wakings and difficulty falling back asleep.

Well intending parents might use a “monster spray,” “no monsters allowed” signage or even do a magic spell to exterminate the monsters. Think twice about using that approach. When we validate monsters, we acknowledge they exist. Children deserve honesty, especially from their parents. Validate the fear, but not the existence of fictitious creatures.

Avoid teasing or using language like “big boys aren’t afraid” or “only babies get scared.” Feelings are always legitimate, especially feelings of fear. Older toddlers and preschoolers are developing vibrant and vivid imaginations. Acknowledge their fears by using language like “I can see you are scared.”

Additional strategies for contending with monsters under the bed include:

As part of the bedtime routine, look through closets and under beds together. Make the experience a fun one with a flashlight your child can use.
If there’s anything like a bed skirt, remove it. At least for now. Having a visual of the space will give them more confidence.
For a child that is showing fears of not just their bed, but their room, make sure to spend some positive time together in their room, playing. Bring a special toy or activity you can do together. Keep the experience positive.
Night lights can help, but can build shadows too. Bright night lights can limit melatonin production which can make sleep more restless and minds more anxious. Sometimes a dim light in a hallway outside their rooms, with a door ajar, is a “less scary” bet.
Tell your child you will check on them when they’re asleep. It’s a reminder that you’re always close and checking on them, even when they don’t think you are.
Eliminate screen time (including television, tablets and game devices) especially it’s late in the day. 3 year olds are highly imaginative. Even benign programming can have their imaginations running away.
Cut out any books that might be “scary”. You’re probably not doing a lot of “scary” anyway, but I have lots of families put away “Where the Wild Things Are” and similar books when contending with fears of monsters.
If they’re having bad dreams that they can articulate (this is often for kids who are more 4+ and have a better understanding of the concept of dreams), talk about the dream and how they can “re-imagine” their dream to have a positive outcome.
Discuss it matter of factly (away from bedtime) and see if you can get to the source.

One last suggestion: Feelings of nervousness and anxiety are normal feelings for children to encounter. Aim to have your reaction be calm and reassuring. Use of the word ‘scared’ often elicits a strong reaction from parents. Don’t give fears more power by reacting strongly, or encourage regular use of the word “scared” to gain benefits that delay bedtime.

xxoo

Krista

About the author:

Night Terrors

September 20, 2015

Night terrors are not bad dreams. You might not even know that what you’re seeing from your child is a night terror the first time it occurs.

Typically occurring in children between 3 and 12 years of age, an estimated 1 to 6 percent of children experience terrors[1].

Some characteristics of night terrors include:

Timing: Early after onset of night sleep or in early morning when coming out of a deep sleep (Night terrors occur in non-REM stages of sleep)
Yelling, screaming, shouting
Thrashing, kicking, pushing away you or objects that aren’t there
Child appears anxious, fearful or panicked
Sweating, increased heart rate
May appear awake but will not be responsive
Most significantly: child has no memory of the event (if your child recalls the event, it was not a night terror)

Risk factors

Overtiredness and fatigue
Variable sleep schedule
Significant changes or stressors in a child’s life (beginning childcare, new school, change in family arrangements, new sleep environment, etc….)
Illness or fever
Family history of partial-arousal parasomnia ie: sleep walking

How to manage?

If your child has a terror, don’t disrupt them. Ultimately, going sleep will end the terror. Speaking to or touching your child unnecessarily will prolong the terror. Stay with your child, keep him or her safe, guide back to bed as necessary, but try to keep intervention which might disrupt sleep, to a minimum. If your child is getting up and walking around during their terror, consider a gate at their door or the top of stairs, and ensuring exterior doors are not easily opened.

Prevention

The majority of night terrors are caused by overtiredness. That means if we can get the child MORE sleep, we can often prevent the terror from occurring. The easiest way to achieve more sleep is with an earlier bedtime, as little as 15 minutes can do the trick. Be diligent about following regularity in your child’s schedule until the terrors have stopped.

If terrors occur with regularity at a particular time of day, you can gently rouse your child (just enough so they might sigh and roll over and go back to sleep) in the 30 minutes prior to the regular terror. The goal of this strategy is to disrupt the sleep cycles just enough to prevent the terror.

If terrors persist, and recur at least 3x per week, talk to your child’s doctor. There could be contributing factors to the night terrors, like sleep apnea or restless leg syndrome.

References

[1] Rosenberg, Robert S. Sleep Soundly Every Night, Feel Fantastic Every Day. New York: Demos Health, 2014. Print.

About the author:

How to use your GroClock

February 25, 2015

Using Child Alarm Clocks – Advice from an Expert

Also known as behavioural clocks, these are helpful tools for communicating time to children who aren’t quite ready to tell time with conventional digital or analog clock. Most often, behavioural clocks function by using a light or image to communicate a time for sleep and a time for waking.

I use behavioural clocks most frequently for early morning wakings, but also for children who are having night wakings or even families experiencing bedtime battles. There are MANY behavioural clocks on the market, they’re all good (although none are great… if anyone is looking into designing one and would like some kick a$$ features from the thoughts of someone who lives and breathes pediatric sleep, please call me) and they will all be effective if parents can implement them correctly and consistently. It’s less about which clock you use, and more about HOW you use it.

I’m not a product pusher. I think we can all make due with less. If you’re interested in re-purposing things you may already have around your home, consider an old radio alarm clock (set to a quiet, classical station or children’s CD) or those Christmas light timers to turn on a lamp or nightlight in your child’s room. Just make sure they’re out of reach because I have yet to find a preschooler or toddler who won’t press buttons, flick switches or turn dials.

Whatever you decide to use, make sure to lay the groundwork. These are some guidelines specifically for use of the GroClock. It’s probably the behavioural clock I encounter and recommend the most often because it’s fairly inexpensive, simple and usually easily available from some good online vendors (what busy, tired parent has time to go out and shop?).

6 Simple Steps

1) Ensure your child is 3+ years OR you’re 100% convinced they would be able to understand a behavioural clock. Remember that children under the age of 3 tend to be very impulsive. If you’re questioning whether or not your child would be able to comprehend it and follow it’s message, don’t use it. What we do here is set children up for success… ensure they could be successful with this clock before you make the decision to introduce it.
2) Follow the instructions. Make sure you’re proficient in using the device before you show it to your munchkin.
3) Explain how your child is to use it. “Until the yellow light comes on, we need to stay quietly in bed and try to go back to sleep.”
4) Also explain that it’s very grown up and your child is not to touch it (even though you know they will). Use the “locking” mechanism as well. Kids love to press buttons. Make sure they aren’t going to reset it or change the time on you.
5) Turn off the backlight. It’s backlit and yes, I’m asking you to turn it completely off. At night, there’s a blue backlight with a star, at the wake up time, there’s a yellow backlight with a sun. You can dim the night time backlight, all the way to off. Use this clock with the backlight off!
We know blue light can have a melatonin inhibiting effect, which is counter productive to circadian rhythms. Our bodies (especially our children’s bodies) need to produce that melatonin to get the maximum benefits from a long, restful sleep. The yellow light will still turn on and sun will still come up when the night time backlight is off.
6) Celebrate your successes, but don’t dwell on failures. “I am so happy that you were able to stay in your room until the sun came up. You must be so proud of yourself!” If it didn’t work out, be kind, but firm in encouraging your child to follow their sleep manners and stay in bed quietly until their sun comes up. If aren’t able to follow all their sleep manners, a simple “it was hard to stay in your room this morning, but we can try again tomorrow.” Move along, there’s no need to discuss it further.

Remember that a behavioural clock is only a tool in the parenting toolkit. Parents are responsible for using and enforcing the tool appropriately.

If you find you’ve followed all of the above and are STILL having trouble with your child going to sleep and stay asleep until morning, don’t hesitate to contact me. Sleeplessness and early mornings do not have to be your normal.

First time buyers from Well.ca can use the code “sleeperific14” for $10 off a purchase over $40.

The following clocks are available from Amazon.ca

The Big Kid Bed

October 21, 2013

You’re thinking about transitioning your toddler from a crib to a bed. But you’re not sure if you should? And if you do, you’re wondering the best way to go about it?

Ask yourself a few questions:

1) Is my child maximizing the weight limit on their crib?
2) Is my child climbing out of the crib, in spite of having the mattress in the lowest position?
3) Is my child pottying at night?

If you’ve answered yes to one or more of these questions, it might be time to consider the big move outside of the four barriers which keep your child contained during their sleep!

The first suggestion: keep them in their cribs as long as possible. 3 years old is actually a very appropriate age for a transition to a bed. Why? They’re just older, less impulsive and better able to understand instruction, rules and cooperation. Sometimes the transition involves a lot of cooperation! As well, that child will have more enthusiasm for growing up and being a big kid by then. The transition can be a lot more seamless when the child is completely on board.

Here’s some of top tips for planning a seamless shift from crib to bed:

Build A Good Basis: If you’re having some sleep difficulties in the crib, it likely is not going to get better with the transition to a bed. Ensure you have a healthy foundation for sleep in place BEFORE moving your child from a crib to a bed.

Plan Your Approach: Some kids transition quickly and easily. They’ll see the bed one day and will be able to have a great sleep in it right away. Some will need a big lead up time of weeks or even months before they’ll feel comfortable. Consider the disposition of your child and how quickly they adapt to change and gauge your approach from there. Focus on building enthusiasm and keeping the experience positive.

Role Models: Older family members or friend’s children who’ve already made the transition are excellent role models. Introduce the idea of a big bed and how “you’ll get to sleep in a bed like this too when you get bigger!”. From there, you’ve planted the idea and can continue to cultivate the thoughts of growing out of the crib and graduating to a bigger bed.

Sleep Manners: This might be a good time to introduce any “sleep manners” you might have. Manners are like rules, but with a more encouraging tone. Keep them positive too by emphasizing what your child can do versus what she can’t do: use “lay in bed quietly until we fall asleep” versus “don’t get out of bed.”

Age appropriate choices: Kids are enthusiastic when they get to be part of the decision making. Involve them in selecting a bed, mattress and/or bedding/linens. Being part of the choices helps them feel grown up and in control. This doesn’t mean letting them loose at PBK and telling them to pick out whatever they want. It means narrowing it down to a couple choices you could live with and having them select from there.

Safety First: You’ll need to be extra diligent about any hazards in their room. Hanging cords from blinds, window guards (or locked windows), covered outlets, shelving/furniture secured to the walls, remove hazards from closets, etc… They will be able to easily get out of bed and inevitably they will explore. Make sure they’re safe.

Keep your baby monitor. I also suggest locking your exterior doors too, just in case you’ve got a mini Houdini.

Depending on the size of the bed you’re introducing, you might need bed rails if your child moves a lot during their sleep. You can always eliminate those at a later date.

What to Expect: The biggest issue I see with kids who transition to a bed: children who can get out of bed any time they like, and do. Some children wouldn’t even consider getting out of bed (thank your lucky stars if this is your child!). But some can and will give you countless curtain calls. Kindly and firmly remind them of their manners by and lead your child back to bed. Every. Single. Time. It should improve quickly and the novelty of getting out of bed independently will begin to wear off.

Above all other things, be consistent. As I’m sure you’ve experienced: if you bend the rules, so will they.

Terrific Quiet Time

November 12, 2012

Color Wonderful Markers

Thanks again Crayola! Color Wonderful markers work with Color Wonderful paper – and nothing else. So not your walls, floors, furniture, or even little hands or clothes. These markers are going to be neat and tidy for your budding artist.

Of course, we HAD to purchase the princess themed package. Which came with glittered paper. For any parents out there, you know you do a glitter craft once and then never again. There is now glitter on me and her. And all over her room. You don’t have to purchase the glittered paper – in fact, I would advise against it. There are plenty of options which are non-glitter.

I’m stocking up on activities which I know will work well for when we’re travelling to Europe in December. Color Wonderful (non glittered) gets a big thumbs up!

Fall Back – Surviving the end of DST with kids

October 29, 2012

Here’s your official reminder: this weekendis the end of daylight savings time (DST). Don’t worry, it’s the cool time change – the one where we (incredibly!) go back in time. Not it’s wicked, sleep depriving step-sister, spring ahead. Before heading to bed on Saturday, put your clocks back one hour. Or at least adjust the old-fashioned widgets that won’t adjust themselves.

In a past, child-free existence, the end of daylight savings time was an occasion to be celebrated. Fall Back meant one extra hour dedicated to the guilty pleasure of your choice. But in your present, kid-centric world, the end of daylight savings time is just one more obstacle to navigate.

Fortunately, Fall Back doesn’t have to be a significant setback. If your child generally has good sleep habits, is well rested and has shown their ability to go with the flow, don’t be too concerned. You may not have to do anything ahead of the time change. Give them a few days, and they’ll adjust.

For parents of children who have proven themselves to be more sensitive in terms of scheduling and sleep, here are a few suggestions to make it easy on them (aka easy on you).

Plan – Start adjusting the week prior to the time change. For children heading to school, if you can, consider shifting their moring rising, breakfast, dinner, and bedtimes to be 15 minutes later. For children who are younger than school age, consider shifting their entire schedule (including wake times, eating times, nap(s) and bedtimes) 15 minutes later. Repeat this incremental shift for the next 3 days. By the time Sunday rolls around, their little bodies are fully prepared for the adjustment.

Stay on Schedule – Every aspect of the day gives our children an opportunity to know what time it is. Mealtimes, playtimes, along with wake and bedtimes all offer cues to help our children be prepared and receptive for what’s coming next. Be mindful and deliberate with the time adjustment as it affects ALL of your daily activities, not just sleep. Diligently follow your usual routines on the adjusted schedule.

Earlier Bedtimes – On the day of and days following the time change, you may notice that a 7 AM wake time turns into a 6 AM wake time. Be prepared to compensate with an earlier bedtime (and possibly earlier nap times for the wee ones) to prevent any overtiredness from setting in.

Let There Be Light – The onset of autumn means cooler, shorter days with fewer hours of sunlight. In the mornings, you’re likely turning on the lights anyway. As your child is having their breakfast, ensure exposure to a well-lit area of your home. Try to keep things dark until then. Build in some time for outdoor play during the day on Sunday as well. This will help naturally regulate circadian rhythms, but exercise will also boost sleep quality and your child’s ability to settle at naps and bedtime.

Admit to yourself that it’s not always going to be perfect. Don’t sweat it. Children take some time to adjust and adapt, just like you. Be patient and consistent while continuing to make sleep a priority for your family.

5 things keeping your child awake

October 18, 2012

Go the F* to Sleep didn’t become a number 1 bestseller because all of our kids are sleeping through the night and taking long restful naps. This book offers an honest and cheeky look at the frustration and desperation EVERY parent has experienced at one time or another: your baby can’t or won’t sleep and you find yourself swearing under your breath. You know they’re tired. But what’s keeping them up?

Here are some of the reasons why your child may still be awake:

Sleep Environment – A child’s bedroom can make or break their ability to drift off to sleep. Whatever place you do choose for your child to sleep, be consistent. Encourage soothing and restfulness by having a dark, quiet space. Limit the intrusion of sunlight with blackout curtains or blinds. We love these inexpensive, easy blackout shades from the Home Depot.

Overtired – Wrangling an overtired child into bed is an uphill battle. There is a point where children who are overtired can appear to be wired or hyper. Aim to get them in bed drowsy but before overtiredness sets in. Be respectful of your child’s limits.

Under-tired – If a child has rested too long during the day or has not slept at biologically appropriate times, your child simply may not be ready to rest. Help them be successful at transitioning to sleep by winding down and offering a soothing bedtime routine, like stories, snuggles and lullabies.

Jobs – We all have our jobs to do. So do our children. A baby might have a job to call for you to see if you’ll come put her soother back in her mouth. A toddler might need to check if you’re still lying next to him like you were when he fell asleep. A preschooler might believe there are monsters under his bed and need your magic spells to eradicate them. Do your best to ensure sleep is the only job your child has.

Skills – Remember that falling asleep is a learned skill. This is another situation where practice makes perfect diabetes drugs. Your child might not always be good at falling asleep independently. Offer assistance and support to help them gradually develop their abilities. Teaching a child to fall asleep independently is a skill that will last a lifetime. Your child will learn to trust themselves, develop self-confidence and believe “I am capable.”

Having awareness and avoiding these situations will help create ideal circumstances for your child to have calm naps and peaceful nights; no cussing necessary.

Sweet Dreams

September 12, 2012

I always check on my kids before I go to bed at night. I like to know they’re safe and comfortable. There’s something about a sleeping child that makes me swoon a little. And I know I won’t always be able to do this. I know that someday, she’ll be all grown up. She’ll be 18, and might say stuff like

“Screw you Mom, I’m moving in with Chad.”

I’ll be glad I’ve captured moments like these.

Terrific Quiet Time

September 5, 2012

Magnets

Just a baking tray and magnets from the dollar store. We had number magnets. Letter magnets or pretty much any other magnets you can find would work too. There are even some downloadable activities to print and put on your trays here and here.

I set this up on an easel for her for a couple reasons:

1) It’s just easier for her to manipulate when she’s standing and facing her task.

2) Her room is small. She often ends up hanging out on her bed. Which isn’t a huge deal, but keeping the bed just for sleeping is consistent with what I suggest when I’m consulting with families.

Wander over to Pinterest for more Terrific Quiet Time inspiration.